Texas Definitions:

Leery - "This old crow has eaten enough field corn to know scarecrows sometimes carry shotguns....I've
robbed enough nests to know you can't enjoy eggs if you're picking buckshot out of your behind."

Be discreet - "Don’t make love by the garden gate because even if love is blind, the neighbors ain’t."

Be quiet - "A closed mouth gathers no foot......You don’t have to explain what you don’t say......Every fish ever caught had his mouth open."

Inevitable - "The girls get better looking when it's almost closing time....Every turkey has his Thanksgiving."

Impossible - "Two pounds of manure won't fit in a one-pound sack....Can't put a duck egg in an eagle's nest
and get an eagle.....can't pole vault with a pitchfork."

Rare Meat - "The brand is still smoking....Seen a cow cut worse than this get well.....If I got caught eating this in someone else's pasture, I'd go to jail for rustling."

Old Person - "The Dead Sea wasn't even on the critical list when he was born.....He's living on borrowed time and three payments are past due."

Ugly Female - "When she was a baby, her daddy had to tie a T-bone steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.....Her husband would rather stay home than kiss her good-bye....She has to slap her legs to get them to go to bed with her...She'd make a freight train take a dirt road."

Ugly Male - "When he was a baby his mother fed him with a slingshot....his mother had to borrow a baby to take to church."